Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
