Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
