so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
