I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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