I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
