i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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