I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
