Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
