You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Randomize
