Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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