xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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