Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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