i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
