So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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