I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
