I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
