Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
