1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
