jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
