That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
