she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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