I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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