This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
