I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
