Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
