I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
