Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
