marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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