my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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