Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
