we're chasing vodka with high fives
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We need to rekindle our bromance
pop tarts are not kleenex
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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