It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
