I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
