I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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