Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
