just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
