I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
