My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I understand Curling. That high.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
