dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
