How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
