You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
