I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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