So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
