i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
