Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
