I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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