i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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