i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
