Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
