I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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