Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
