six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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