please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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