I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
